A Bum

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor...

"I feel real good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum."

"You mean you gave a bum five dollars? That's a lot of money to give away like that. What did you husband say about it?"

"Oh, he thought it was the thing to do. He said, "Thanks."

How to Impress

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN?

• Compliment her...
• Respect her...
• Honor her...
• Cuddle her...
• Kiss her, caress her...
• Love her, stroke her...
• Tease her...
• Comfort her...
• Protect her...
• Hug her...
• Hold her...
• Spend money on her...
• Wine and dine her...
• Buy things for her...
• Listen to her...
• Care for her...
• Stand by her...
• Support her...
• Go to the ends of the Earth for her...

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN?

• Show up naked...
• Bring food/beer...