Hell of Your Own

A man died and went to hell. Upon arrival he met with the CDIC (Chief Devil in Charge).
Devil: We run things a bit differently nowadays, you get to pick your own personal hell.
Man: That's not so bad, whatcha got?
Devil: Well, I'm going to open a series of doors, look inside, assess the situation and then tell me if that's where you want to spend eternity.
Man: OK.
The devil opens the first door and there's a room of people standing on their heads on a hardwood floor.
Man: Ouch, that seems painful. It's not for me, what's next. The devil opens the next door to reveal the same situation, only on concrete floors.
Man: That looks worse, got anything left.
The devil opens the third door to reveal a room full of people standing knee deep in shit drinking coffee.
Man: Well, the shit smells but I could stand the smell and drink coffee all day. I'll take this one. Devil: Are you sure this is the one you want?
Man: Absolutely!
The devil then escorts him in the room shuts and locks the door.
As soon as the door closes, a whistle blows and a loud speaker says - "Alright, coffee break is over, back on your heads!"

How to Impress

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN?

• Compliment her...
• Respect her...
• Honor her...
• Cuddle her...
• Kiss her, caress her...
• Love her, stroke her...
• Tease her...
• Comfort her...
• Protect her...
• Hug her...
• Hold her...
• Spend money on her...
• Wine and dine her...
• Buy things for her...
• Listen to her...
• Care for her...
• Stand by her...
• Support her...
• Go to the ends of the Earth for her...

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN?

• Show up naked...
• Bring food/beer...